Never Good Enough
by BelleLee
Summary: Lisbon is tired of feeling like she's not good enough and Jane has a tough decision to make. Jane/Lisbon  2 chapters of slightly angsty fluffyness. rated T for suggestiveness but nothing overt.
1. Chapter 1

**I wrote this a while ago and never posted it, I'm not sure why. Just short piece of Jisbon fluffiness.**

**When you don't review it makes me unhappy and when I'm unhappy you're less happy.**

**I still don't own The Mentalist or Simon Baker mmmmmmm… Simon Baker.**

CBI Agent Teresa Lisbon stepped of the elevator, squared her shoulders and walked rapidly through the serious crimes bullpen. She kept her gaze resolutely forward, ignoring the slightly apprehensive looks from her subordinates, well two of the four, Cho was too engrossed in his book to bother looking up and Patrick Jane was, as usual, napping. Arriving at her office she opened the door, stepped in and quietly closed it behind her.

The click of the door latch seemed to break the spell of stillness that had settled over the four left in the bullpen. Van Pelt let out the breath she felt like she had been holding forever, Rigby took a bite of the candy bar that he' d held, momentarily forgotten in his hand, even Cho glanced up, a look of surprise briefly flickering over his face before it returned to its usual impassivity. Only the occupant of the couch seemed to show no reaction, though a careful observer would have seen an almost imperceptible relaxation of tension in his body. Patrick Jane counted to thirty in his head and when no scream of "get in here Jane!" came from the still closed office door he decided he had been patient enough. He sat up slowly and giving a slightly theatrical yawn, "_wouldn't do to look to eager_" he thought to himself, stood up. Acting as nonchalant as possible he ambled over to the door and as was now customary walked right in without knocking. Once in, he turned to shut the door and to wait for the complaints of "why don't you ever knock?" When none came he turned around and instead of meeting the annoyed eyes of a senior agent he saw an empty desk. A slight scraping noise drew his gaze to the corner where the petite Teresa Lisbon stood, a few books and pictures in her hand. She bent over and placed them in the box at her feet and having finished with that shelf she pushed the box across the floor with her foot, recreating the scraping sound that had initially drawn his attention.

"It's the wrong time of the year for spring cleaning woman," Jane said, his "teasing Lisbon" smirk firmly in place. He got no answer, not even a "bite me!" Lisbon just calmly continued to empty the book shelves of her possessions and place them side by side in the box. "Oh so it's the silent treatment huh?" Jane continued. "So what's it 'gonna take to get you to talk to me? Do I have to go steal one of Rigby's chocolate bars for you?Should I make you another origami frog? I didn't bring any paper with me so I guess I'll just have to use one of your case reports," he continued to tease.

"Go ahead," Lisbon replied finally turning around, "they aren't my problem anymore."

Jane was so happy to finally get a reaction from her that it took a few seconds for her words and the expression accompanying them to register. She looked sad, empty, resigned but at the same time relieved. As if she had to make a terrible choice and now she was just dealing with the consequences, glad the decision had been made.

"Lisbon?" he said her name like it was a question, and then once again but softer "Teresa?"

"Hightower fired me," Lisbon said. She looked at Jane, smiled softly and repeated, "She fired me," then answering the next question, said "I'm okay" before he could even open his mouth to ask.

"She can't do that!" he exclaimed. His anger was cut short by Lisbon chuckling and saying "Uhh, she's my boss, so yeah, I'm pretty sure she can". He looked at her surprised that she wasn't raging at him, throwing things, cursing; even tears were preferable to the look of amused acceptance on her face. "I'll get this taken care of" he said decisively "this isn't going to happen, don't go anywhere until I come back."

"Jane" Lisbon called as he turned towards the door."Jane!" As he continued walking and finally "Patrick!" grabbing his wrist as he started turning the knob. "Just listen to me for a second" she said pushing herself in between him and the door.

"Later," Jane replied as he removed his hand from the knob and placed it on her shoulder, trying to move her out from in front of the door, "I have to get to Hightower before she files that paperwork." He tried to shake off the hand still holding his wrist until Lisbon tightened her grip and yanked at it saying sharply "Patrick, no!"

She had finally had his attention judging by his stillness and the incredulous look on his face, but not in the way that she had always dreamed of, she thought. "Just please, sit down, and listen" she said gesturing to the couch.

"Oh come on, you can just let one tiny little incident ruin your"/Jane/

"One tiny little incident, Jane!" Lisbon interrupted, her mask of calm finally starting to crack. "You got an off duty cop shot and completely pissed off the biggest political donor in the state!" she yelled.

"The slimy jerk was cheating on his pregnant wife with a college freshman!" Jane yelled back.

"I agree that the guys a bastard, Jane, but it was completely irrelevant to the case!" You only did it because the guy "_irked_ you!" /Lisbon/

They stopped, both glaring at each other until Lisbon broke eye contact with a sigh. She turned towards the couch and still tugging at Jane's hand repeated "please just listen."

Jane slowly allowed her to pull him over to the couch and watched as she let go of him and sat down, gazing up at him expectantly and then looked at the opposite corner signaling where she expected him to sit. He returned her look and just to be perverse sat down in the empty spot next to her.

Lisbon, by this time used to Jane's contrary ways just waited for him to settle himself. Once he'd arranged himself to his satisfaction he gave her his attention, only it seemed that now that she had it she was unsure of what to do with it. She cleared her throat and open and closed her mouth a few times before she finally started. "You were right" she said and seeing his raised eyebrows and "aren't I always" look elaborated. "Hightower wants to use me. To keep you in line. She said she was firing me but didn't expect it to last, that you would go in there and rant and threaten and when she didn't back down you would promise to behave yourself and that you would, well at least for a little while" she added with a smile.

"I promised I would be there for you" Jane said smiling back at her, not the bright and shiny one he used to manipulate but a genuine smile.

"I know "she replied softly "So I told her that if she wasn't really firing me, I quit."

"What!" Lisbon!" Jane yelled, standing up abruptly.

Lisbon once again grabbed his hand and pulling him back down next to her said "please let me finish." Now holding his hand in hers, she started again "My whole life I've never felt like I was good enough." She held up one finger to stall the protest forming on his lips. "My mother didn't care enough to hold on to life. My father didn't love me enough to control his rage, his grief or his addiction. Minnelli didn't care enough to stay. Bosco said he loved me but never enough to leave his wife or lose his career. And you ask me to trust you but then you lie to me. You say you'll always save me but you're the one who puts me in danger and not just my job, Jane, but my life." Seeing that he was about to interrupt again she looked away and rushed on. "He said something to you, that night, Red John, he said something to you. When I asked you, you denied it but I could tell you were lying. So I waited and I trusted you and I hoped that it would be enough, that you would care about me enough." She glanced back at him and her tone changed to conversational, as if she were asking him how the weather was today or how he'd like his tea. "You know some times you mumble when you fall asleep on your couch? "_Tiger, tiger burning bright_"…, and you started to carry that book of Blake's poems around with you everywhere, the only page that seemed to be worn was the one with that poem on it, The Tyger. So I figured out your secret and then I realized that it didn't matter. If you don't even care enough to trust me with a clue that could save Red Johns next victim, even though that victim could be me or one of my team members, then why should I keep trying? I always knew I would never be as important to you as you are to me. I told myself that that the job, us putting away bad guys, that it would be enough, that it was all I needed. But I was wrong. I deserve to mean more to you than your ego, your desire to always be right, always be the smartest one in the room and yes, even your desire for revenge. I'm tired of not being enough, Jane. So I'm leaving. I'll find a job where they think I, just Teresa Lisbon, am enough and maybe if I'm lucky someone special who thinks so too and hopefully he'll be enough for me. If not than that's ok too but at least I'll know that I'm not settling for less that I deserve."

With that Teresa Lisbon pulled her hands out from where they twined with his in his lap and while he sat trying to process what she had said she stood up and leaning down, gave him a soft lingering kiss on the corner of his mouth. Jane closed his eyes and feeling her breath tickle his face inhaled the warm scent of cinnamon that surrounded her, when he opened them she was gone, the door clicking shut behind her.

**Please Read and Review. Why? See quote above.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

It was hours later, Lisbon sat on her couch in her old oversized jersey eating a pint of Ben & Jerry's chocolate fudge brownie ice cream and watching the latest romantic comedy. She sighed as the credits started to roll on the TV screen. "_It's late and I should get to bed_" she thought "_since I have to get up early and go back to the CBI tomorrow to pick up my stuff and say good bye to the team, well three of them._" She was glad she'd been able to give Jane the news privately but annoyed that in her desire to make a grand exit she had extended the misery of saying goodbye. Now she had to look forward to going back in the morning to get her stuff and say goodbye to Rigsby, Van Pelt, Cho and if she was feeling very generous maybe even Hightower. She briefly wondered if she could get that guy from the personnel department that had a crush on her to just mail her stuff to her. She'd never been good with emotional scenes but she owed it to her team to say goodbye in person. Groaning as she got up to throw away the empty ice cream container she thought "_ugh, I am really not looking forward to tomorrow."_

She tossed her spoon in the sink, washed her sticky hands and turned off the light, going through her nightly before bed routine. She had just turned off the TV and was getting ready to go upstairs to her room when there was a knock at her front door. Glancing at the clock, it was after midnight, she wondered who could possibly want to see her this late at night. She walked to the door, stopping make sure the side table drawer contained one of the guns she kept for protection at home. She'd had to turn in her badge and service weapon to Hightower before she left the CBI but that didn't mean she was helpless, Teresa Lisbon didn't believe in being unprepared. She approached the peep hole and before she could look through it the knock sounded again, this time a little louder and more insistent. She had a sudden premonition of dread and said "Oh No." Sure enough looking through the tiny hole she saw a blond haired, blue-green eyed, pain in the ass in a three peace suit. "_Great_," she thought "_maybe he'll think I'm not home and go away?" _The knock sounded again along with a "Come on Lisbon I know your home I saw you car in the parking lot." /Jane/

"Great," She whispered, thinking. "_If I'm quiet he'll think I'm asleep and go away, right?"_

_"_I know your awake Lisbon; I can practically hear you breathing through the door. I'm just 'gonna keep knocking until you answer. Or maybe I'll start singing; your neighbors will love that. I could always just pick the lock."/Jane/

At that Lisbon lost her patience tearing open the door she started yelling "If you dare pick the lock on my door Jane I swear to god I'll call the local P.D. and have you arrested for breaking and entering!"

Seeing his opportunity Jane stuck his foot in the doorway and grabbing her shoulders he backed her into the hallway and against the wall. Keeping his hands on her shoulders he held her in place using the heel of his shoe to kick the front door closed.

Lisbon stood, her back pressed to the wall, Jane pressing to her front and her eyes wide. She opened her mouth but before she could deliver what would no doubt be a colorful diatribe Jane had his hand over her mouth and his nose pressed up to hers.

"Ah ah ah." He said shaking his head slightly at her "Not this time woman. You wouldn't let me get a word in edge wise this afternoon and then you put that sweet mouth of yours on mine and flounce out before I can even gather my wits to respond. Not this time, this time you are going to listen to me and you going to be quiet until I'm done. Is that clear?" He felt her nod under his hand then added "okay I'm going to take my hand off your mouth and you going to stay quiet, then when I'm done your can say whatever you want." He once again waited for her nod to move his hand off her mouth. Brushing his knuckles lightly against her cheek he put his hand back on her shoulder.

"I'm...I'm sorry."

"Jane you don't have to"/Lisbon/

"Shhhh…" He interrupted sternly, "you agreed to be quiet."

"Like I was saying. I'm sorry for being such a coward and so..… so selfish. I've known, for a while now, how much you mean to me. How much I lo uh, care about you. And I'm sorry that I ever even for a second made you think you weren't important to me." Lisbon's eyes filled with tears at his words but he continued on. "You mean more to me than anyone else in the world, more than working for the CBI, more than my plans for revenge."

Hearing Jane say the words she never imagined him saying broke the dam. Lisbon gave a sob and the tears she'd been holding at bay spilled down her cheeks.

Jane cupped her cheeks with his hands and using his thumbs to wipe away her tears saying "oh, no sweetheart, no, don't cry, please just let me finish before I lose the nerve to say this."

Lisbon controlled her sobs and seeing for the first time the great Patrick Jane look nervous she couldn't help but give a small watery smile.

"That's my girl." Caressing her cheek again he continued. "I guess I was afraid if I told you how I felt you would reject me. I mean look at me, I'm emotionally stunted, I constantly irritate you and I cost you your job. Oh god what am I doing? I'm not exactly selling myself here am I?" He said burying his face in the crook of her neck. Hearing Lisbon's soft giggle he looked up with a small smile. But it faded when he continued. "The worst of it is that I'm selfish. I didn't keep quiet just because I was afraid of being rejected I did it because I thought I could have it both ways. I thought I could just continue with my plans to kill Red John and you would be there waiting for me when it was all over. You haven't really dated anyone seriously since we've been working together so I never really worried about some other guy stealing you away. And I could tell you were attracted to me, that you cared about me, so I took advantage of it. I just took for granted that you would always be there so I wouldn't have to make the hard decisions, wouldn't have to choose which I wanted more."

"I was a coward and I was selfish. When Red John killed my family I felt like I had lost everything like he had taken my entire world and when you walked out that door I felt that pain all over again. I don't believe in god Lisbon or heaven, when we die we're just gone, we turn back into the dust we came from. And my family, i'll always love them but they're gone so any revenge I get from killing Red John it's just for me, they're not going to get any satisfaction from it, it will be purely selfish. After you walked out I realized that if I choose Red John over you he wins again, even if you stay and we catch him and I kill him. You'll have to arrest me and I'll lose you, my life will end all over again. Red John already took everything from me once if I let him do it again he wins. I'm not going to let him take the person I love the most, the most important thing in my life again."

Jane might have had more to add but that point Lisbon had heard enough; she launched herself at him, wrapping her arms around his neck she fused her mouth to his pouring all her feelings into the kiss.

With an "Ooofhh" Jane stumbled back hitting the opposite wall, he just let himself slide to the floor enjoying the feeling of Teresa Lisbon in his lap, her legs wound around his waist, fingers buried in his hair and her lips pressing kisses to his neck.

It was hours later and Lisbon was still in Jane's lap, pressing lazy kisses to his neck and throat, only they're location had changed. Jane having decided that the comfort of her recliner was more conductive to kisses and affectionate whispers. He watched, his finger tracing abstract patterns on her exposed thigh, as she nuzzled her face into his neck. She stifled a yawn with her hand, murmuring "I should go to bed; I have to get up early and go pick up my stuff tomorrow."

"No need for that," Jane replied, "you're exhausted, you should sleep in. As a matter of fact I think we should take the next two days off, you can lay around on the beach in your bikini, I can sit and watch you lay around in your bikini."

Lisbon smirks and slaps his arm lightly in retaliation, asking "Hey did happen you bring my stuff with you?"

"No, I told you there's no need for you to pick up your stuff, you're not quitting and Hightower is not firing you."/Jane/

"Patrick it's too late, I eeeek!" Whatever Lisbon was going to say was lost in the squeak she gave when Jane pinched her bottom.

"Now that I have your attention," Jane said with a smirk "will you let me finish? I talked to Hightower. I told her if you were no longer working with the CBI than neither was I."

"But Jane, what about your job, the cases, Red John, you'll lose access to the files!"/Lisbon/

"Woman has anyone ever told you; you have a problem with interrupting people." He said lightly pinching her bottom again "and you're not allowed to call me Jane when you're sitting on my lap."

"I want you to know that I meant it when I said you are more important to me than anything else."

Lisbon leaned over cupping his face in her hands "I can't let you do this Jane, when I said I wanted you to give up on revenge I didn't mean for you to give up trying to catch him at all. I just don't want you to die trying or end up in jail for the rest of your life because you killed him."

"Oh we'll catch him weather I'm helping the team or not. Red John's good but he's not all powerful, he'll make a mistake eventually." Jane covered the delicate little hands on his face with his larger rougher ones and looked Lisbon in the eyes before continuing. "Teresa I love you, but I'm still me, still the same impulsive and occasionally selfish and inconsiderate Patrick Jane. And I know I can't do this without you. If I stay on and we catch him I don't know if I'll be able to stop myself from doing something stupid. I need you there with me. I know if I have you there, if I can see, remind myself of what I've gained and what I have to lose I'll be able to control myself." He smiled "besides Hightower already agreed to reinstate you, after we have the little two day vacation I insisted on. It's not even going to go on your record." He frowned as a thought struck him, "you know I have a sneaking suspicion she planned for something like this to happen."

At the end of his speech Lisbon leaned in, giving him a long lingering kiss. "Well it looks like I have a long day of lying around on the beach ahead of me, so I should get to bed." She stood and walked slowly out of the living room.

Jane watched her as she walked away. This time instead of feeling like he'd lost everything it felt like he'd gotten a second chance at life. Then just before Teresa rounded the corner she stopped, glancing over her shoulder she gave him a sultry smile and said "Well, are you coming?" before she turned and continued up the stairs to her bed room.

Jane sat for a second, a stunned look on his face before he jumped up, 1000 watt smile on his face.

He stood at the bottom of her stairs looking up at them; his life was up there, his future, the second chance at happiness he never thought he'd get. Still smiling he bounded up the stairs taking them two at a time. He couldn't wait to get started.

**The End**

**Hope you liked it. Please read and review.**


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